After you turn 21…..maybe 30 (but that’s a stretch) birthdays become just another day. I don’t want a bunch of fuss made, it’s just another day and I don’t need the reminder that I am getting older. Dinner with my family and that is it. No, don’t tell the waiter it’s my birthday, I don’t want black balloons on my 40th…50th….60th birthdays..,my milestone years as they say. But this year hits different. When you hear the words “you have breast cancer and it’s aggressive,” you value each waking day. You no longer care that you are getting old, you praise God you are getting older. For one brief second I had the “what if” moment. What if I don’t make it. What if it’s spread. What if the scans show more. I’m not done living! I’ve not done enough! I’ve not finished raising my son. As the song says, “I’ve still got a lot of fight left in me.” I didn’t dwell in this space but the thoughts did roll through my brain and like the marquee sign, when the words scrolled by, I didn’t let them repeat. I unplugged that sign and never thought of it again. God told me he would get me through this and I truly believe he will. Therefor, I am very thankful for my birthday this year, so bring on the black balloons (maybe put some polka dots on them cause my motto is ‘Look for the Good Spots Life’). I am still here and I truly believe Gods still got work for me to do. So today, I celebrate my birthday with chemo.
I was diagnosed with Stage 2 ER/PR+ and HERS2- breast cancer in September 15, 2022. I have completed 4 red devil (it lives up to its name) treatments. Today is my birthday and I spent it with my new friends getting chemo, 6th of 12 Taxol treatments. I’m halfway there. You might think, what a way to spend your birthday but it’s symbolic really. Chemo is restoring my health, ridding me of this toxic, vile “thing,” it’s killing the thing that could have killed me so I’ll gladly take my treatment today because it is ensuring I have many more birthdays after this. I told my nurse today I didn’t know what I would do once treatments were over. My cancer center has become such an important part of my life..I look forward to going. It’s therapeutic…the comradery. It is my security blanket. I am actively participating in my recovery. But when I’m done..I mean completely done…whatever will I do. The nurses and doctors are like family, they care so deeply about their patients and you get to know them all in a personal level. Four of the nurses are past breast cancer survivors themselves so they really can empathize with you…which is one reason I think God has allowed me to take this journey…it’s hard to empathize with someone if you haven’t traveled the same path or even walked in the same vicinity as they have. I have also made some sweet friendships that would have never happened if not for this journey. I am so thankful for my partner n crime, my “Bosom Buddy” who is one of my biggest prayer warriors because she is traveling the same path and she shares the same vision..helping and encouraging others along the way. She is my shining light, uplifting me, encouraging me…God sure knew what he was doing when he introduced us.
This morning I packed my “chemo” bag and headed to the cancer treatment center. Necessities include, electric blanket (helps offset the frozen ice bags worn on my hands and feet), snacks/drinks (cause I like to eat) fuzzy socks (I mean who doesn’t) AirPods (never need them, I talk to my pals too much) and phone (duh). After drawing labs, I always hold my breath cause my values always fluctuate and could cause a delay in my treatment. I head to my room to wait on my provider. A peck on the door tells me he is coming in. He’s a jolly man. Younger than me. He is happy. Warm. Compassionate. Thorough. Funny (which I appreciate!). I thank God for this center and all my providers. I had a CT last week and Josh’s (we are on first name basis you know) words as he entered the room were, “I talked to the radiologist and he asked me why I sent you to him.” (We were ruling out possible blood clots.) He continues, “The radiologist further stated..Yeah her lungs are good, she had no clots but I also can’t see her tumor anymore either.” God just keeps on working! Now let me preface this by saying a CT is not the best indicator to validate complete annihilation has occurred. It may still be there, but if it is, it’s too small for the CT to find! I’ll take that as a win.
One final thought. God also constantly puts my own condition in perspective. Today I met a man who inquired why I was wearing ice mittens and I explained that it was to limit the neuropathy that could occur due to the type of chemo I was currently receiving. He is a third time cancer survivor! He has had cancer 3 times in 3 different places! Colon, thyroid, and now bladder. He’s a fighter and he will survive this one too but I’m sure he is thinking where and when will it show up next. He has 2 treatments left and his port cracked last week so they had to access his veins..and after 4 excruciating sticks they got it. So what in the world do I have to complain about.
The situation you may be facing right now is not where your story ends. God is doing more in your life than you can see right now.