Today I must bid you farewell. I’ve had your bags packed for a while now, but before you turn in your keys, there are a few things (besides you) that I need to get off my chest. You came into my life when I didn’t have time for you. I wasn’t prepared. I had plans. I was busy. I was raising a teenager. You see, I only have two years left with him before he steps out on his own and I was soaking every moment in. Then you showed up and turned my world upside down. You were not invited. You were a burden. A living nightmare. You terrified me. You threatened my existence, and I hated you for it.
You caused me great anguish, undeniably. You were aggressive. You were selfish. You told me you were stronger than me. You left me weak and vulnerable. There were days you simply left me curled on the bathroom floor begging for relief. You thought taking my hair would take away my will as well. You thought you could make me so weak I couldn’t walk. You thought you could pump poison through my body for months and I’d give up. You thought you could discourage me and I hated you for it.
You took my independence away. You closed me off from everyone I loved. You wouldn’t let my leave my house for weeks. You wouldn’t let me eat, suppressed my immunity, worried my family and I hated you for it.
But Cruella, let me be clear, you have overstayed your welcome and it is time for you to go. I may be happy to see you exit but you’ve taught me a few things even though I’m sure you didn’t mean to.
You’ve introduced me to friends I never would have met without you. You proved there is power in prayer. You showed me a generous and kind world with loving people who faithfully prayed with me to stifle your fire. So I thank you for this too, because you know what? You didn’t break me.
But I will not give you the glory for your departure, that belongs to God. The God that strengthened my faith, encouraged my spirit, amplified my empathy, extended my joy and broadened my love. God told me to trust him and I did. He told me he would hold my hand, walk beside me and guide me through. And he did.
So goodbye Cruella. Farewell Cancer. I will not miss you but I will not forget you either. You have taught me what really matters in life. You have given me renewed purpose. I know there will still be remnants of your existence left hovering about and I still have work to do to completely rid you from my life. I also know you could shamelessly reinvade my life again at any given moment without warning. I no longer worry about that though. My God is bigger than you and I have learned to let him deal with you. I am so much more than a pawn on your chess board.
Shall we never meet again.
Ciao,
Kelly